*************** Have Yourself a Microsoft Christmas*************

'Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house
Not a creature was stirring, except Papa's mouse.
The computer was humming, the icons were hopping,
As Papa did last-minute Internet shopping.

The stockings were hung by the modem with care
In hope that St. Nicholas would bring new software.
The children were nestled all snug in their beds,
While visions of computer games danced in their heads.

PageMaker for Billy, and Quicken for Dan,
And Carmen Sandiego for Pamela Ann.
The letters to Santa had been sent out by Mom,
To santaclaus@toyshop.northpole.com -

Which has now been re-routed to Washington State
Because Santa's workshop has been bought by Bill Gates.
All the elves and reindeer have had to skedaddle
To flashy new quarters in suburban Seattle.

After centuries of a life that was simple and spare,
St. Nicholas is suddenly a new billionaire,
With a shiny red Porsche in the place of his sleigh,
And a house on Lake Washington that's just down the way
>From where Bill has his mansion. The old fellow preens
In black Gucci boots and red Calvin Klein jeans.
The elves have stock options and desks with a view,
Where they write computer code for Johnny and Sue.

No more dolls or toy soldiers or little toy drums (ahem - pardon me)
No more dolls or tin soldiers or little toy drums
Will be under the tree, only compact disk ROMS
With the Microsoft label. So spin up your drive,
>From now on Christmas runs only on Win95.

More rapid than eagles the competitors came,
And Bill whistled, and shouted, and called them by name.
"Now, ADOBE! now, CLARIS! now, INTUIT! too,
Now, APPLE! and NETSCAPE! you are all of you through,

It is Microsoft's SANTA that the kids can't resist,
It's the ultimate software with a traditional twist -
Recommended by no less than the jolly old elf,
And on the package, a picture of Santa himself.

Get 'em young, keep 'em long, is Microsoft's scheme,
And a merger with Santa is a marketer's dream.
To the top of the NASDAQ! to the top of the Dow!
Now dash away! dash away! dash away - wow!"

And Mama in her 'kerchief and I in my cap,
Had just settled down for a long winter's nap,
When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter,
The whir and the hum of our satellite platter,
As it turned toward that new Christmas star in the sky,
The SANTALITE owned by the Microsoft guy.
As I sprang from my bed and was turning around,
My computer turned on with a Jingle-Bells sound.

And there on the screen was a smiling Bill Gates
Next to jolly old Santa, two arm-in-arm mates.
And I heard them exclaim in voice so bright,
Have a MICROSOFT CHRISTMAS, and TO ALL A GOOD
NIGHT.



==================================================================



                    12 Days of Microsoft Christmas
                               by Gil Glass
                            (trust me, it's singable)

       On the 1st day of Christmas, my true love gave to me:

               Windows 95 for my PC


       On the 2nd day of Christmas, my true love gave to me:

               2 GPFs
               and Windows 95 for my PC


       On the 3rd day of Christmas, my true love gave to me:

               3 ports not responding
               2 GPFs
               and Windows 95 for my PC


       On the 4th day of Christmas, my true love gave to me:

               4 sectors bad
               3 ports not responding
               2 GPFs
               and Windows 95 for my PC


       On the 5th day of Christmas, my true love gave to me:

               5 eighty six
               4 sectors bad
               3 ports not responding
               2 GPFs
               and Windows 95 for my PC


       On the 6th day of Christmas, my true love gave to me:

               6 ints conflictin'
               5 eighty six
               4 sectors bad
               3 ports not responding
               2 GPFs
               and Windows 95 for my PC


       On the 7th day of Christmas, my true love gave to me:

               7 files missin'
               6 inits conflictin'
               5 eighty six
               4 sectors bad
               3 ports not responding
               2 GPFs
               and Windows 95 for my PC


       On the 8th day of Christmas, my true love gave to me:

               8 Megs overflowin'
               7 files missin'
               6 inits conflictin'
               5 eighty six
               4 sectors bad
               3 ports not responding
               2 GPFs
               and Windows 95 for my PC


       On the 9th day of Christmas, my true love gave to me:

               9 apps a crashin'
               8 Megs overflowin'
               7 files missin'
               6 inits conflictin'
               5 eighty six
               4 sectors bad
               3 ports not responding
               2 GPFs
               and Windows 95 for my PC


       On the 10th day of Christmas, my true love gave to me:

               10 modes not supported
               9 apps a crashin'
               8 Megs overflowin'
               7 files missin'
               6 inits conflictin'
               5 eighty six
               4 sectors bad 3 ports not responding
               2 GPFs
               and Windows 95 for my PC


       On the 11th day of Christmas, my true love gave to me:

               11 instructions faulty
               10 modes not supported
               9 apps a crashin'
               8 Megs overflowin'
               7 files missin'
               6 inits conflictin'
               5 eighty six 4 sectors bad
               3 ports not responding
               2 GPFs
               and Windows 95 for my PC


       On the 12th day of Christmas, my true love gave to me:

               12 sound cards silent
               11 instructions faulty
               10 modes not supported
               9 apps a crashin'
               8 Megs overflowin'
               7 files missin'
               6 inits conflictin'
               5 eighty six
               4 sectors bad
               3 ports not responding
               2 GPFs and
               Windows 95 for my PC


    And now, the long awaited folow-up:

       On the 1st day of Christmas, my true love gave to me:

               A Macintosh instead of a PC


       On the 2nd day of Christmas, my true love gave to

               ...hey, wait a minute, this thing works!